Category Archives: Singleness

Online Scams, online-dating, Relationships, Singleness, The Single Series

Beware of Online Dating

20 Sep 2026 The Brown Girl Dilemma

Woman using phone on blanket as two friends peek around a tree

Online dating has fundamentally changed the social landscape of romantic relationships. What once required introductions through family, friends, churches, workplaces, schools, neighborhoods, or social gatherings can now begin with a photograph, a profile, a message, or a swipe across a smartphone screen. For millions of people, these platforms have provided legitimate opportunities to find companionship, marriage, friendship, and love. Yet the convenience of digital courtship also creates a unique vulnerability: people can establish emotional intimacy with someone before they have independently verified that person’s identity, history, intentions, or character.

According to Pew Research Center, approximately three-in-ten U.S. adults reported having used a dating site or app in a 2022 nationally representative survey. Among adults who had ever used these services, 53% described their overall experiences as very or somewhat positive, while 46% described them as very or somewhat negative. The same research found that Americans were almost evenly divided about whether dating sites and apps were safe places to meet people: 48% considered them very or somewhat safe, while 49% considered them not too or not at all safe. Women were more cautious than men, with 57% of women saying these platforms were unsafe for meeting people.

The statistics become more concerning when harassment is examined. Pew found that 48% of people who had ever used a dating site or app had experienced at least one of four unwanted behaviors measured in the survey: receiving an unsolicited sexually explicit message or image, continued unwanted contact after expressing disinterest, offensive name-calling, or threats of physical harm. Among women younger than 50 who had used dating platforms, 56% had received unwanted sexually explicit material, 43% had experienced continued unwanted contact, 37% had been called an offensive name, and 11% had received threats of physical harm. Approximately two-thirds of women under 50 who had tried online dating experienced at least one of these unwanted behaviors.

The experience of Black online daters deserves particular attention. Pew reported that 47% of Black users who had used dating sites or apps had received unwanted sexually explicit messages or images, compared with 35% of White users. Pew’s findings do not establish why this difference exists, nor should the statistic be interpreted as meaning that every Black woman will encounter this experience. Nevertheless, it demonstrates that race can intersect with the broader problem of online sexual harassment and deserves serious consideration when discussing the digital experiences of Black women.

Another danger is the romance scam. Romance fraud is not simply a story about someone being financially careless; it is a form of social engineering in which deception is built around emotional attachment. The Federal Trade Commission reported that nearly 70,000 people reported romance scams in 2022, with reported losses reaching approximately $1.3 billion. The median reported loss was $4,400. The FTC also found that 40% of people who reported losing money to a romance scam said the initial contact occurred through social media, while 19% said it began on a website or app.

The problem continued beyond 2022. In 2023, the FTC received 64,003 reports classified as romance scams and reported approximately $1.14 billion in losses, with a median reported loss of $2,000. These numbers represent reported cases rather than the complete universe of romance fraud. Many victims never report what happened because of embarrassment, shame, fear of judgment, or the belief that authorities will not be able to recover their money. Consequently, official statistics should be understood as indicators of documented harm rather than a complete measurement of the problem.

Romance scammers frequently exploit the very qualities people hope will produce a successful relationship: trust, empathy, compassion, generosity, loneliness, and emotional availability. The scammer may create an elaborate identity and gradually establish emotional dependence. The supposed romantic partner may claim to be traveling, serving in the military, working overseas, dealing with an emergency, or experiencing a financial crisis. Eventually, the relationship becomes connected to a request for money. The FBI has also warned about schemes in which individuals met through dating platforms are directed toward fraudulent investment opportunities, particularly cryptocurrency-related schemes.

Financial exploitation is only one dimension of the danger. The digital relationship can also become a gateway to stalking, surveillance, harassment, coercive control, or physical violence. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines stalking as a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention or contact that causes fear or concern for safety. Modern stalking can include technology-based behaviors such as monitoring someone’s location, using technology to spy on them, repeatedly contacting them through texts or social media, and tracking their movements. Approximately one in five women and one in ten men have experienced stalking during their lifetimes.

The relationship between online dating and intimate partner violence must also be understood within the larger national context. The CDC’s most recent National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey data indicate that approximately 43.5 million U.S. women have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetimes. Approximately 22.5% of women reported lifetime physical violence by an intimate partner, while 18.2% experienced at least one form of severe physical violence. These statistics do not mean that dating-app relationships cause intimate partner violence; rather, they demonstrate the broader prevalence of violence within intimate relationships, including relationships that may begin through digital communication.

The danger becomes especially significant when an online relationship progresses rapidly from digital communication to physical isolation. A stranger on an application may eventually become a person who knows where someone lives, works, worships, shops, exercises, and spends time. Once an individual has access to this information, technology can potentially transform romantic interest into surveillance. Location sharing, social-media posts, photographs, tagged locations, and public information can reveal far more about a person’s daily routine than they may realize.

The tragic death of Ashley Wadsworth demonstrates why emotional familiarity should not automatically be equated with safety. Wadsworth was 19 and from Vernon, British Columbia. She met Jack Sepple online when they were teenagers and maintained a long-distance relationship. In November 2021, she traveled to England to be with him. In February 2022, she was found dead in the Chelmsford home she shared with Sepple. Sepple pleaded guilty to her murder and was sentenced to life imprisonment with a minimum term of 23 years and six months.

Ashley Wadsworth’s case is important because it complicates the simplistic idea that danger exists only when a woman meets a complete stranger for the first time. Ashley had known Sepple for years and had developed a relationship with him before traveling internationally. Her story illustrates a sobering reality: time and emotional attachment can create a sense of security, but neither guarantees that a person’s character will remain safe under changing circumstances. The lesson is not that women should never trust anyone; rather, trust should remain connected to observable behavior, boundaries, and the ability to leave a situation safely.

Another case is that of Katie Locke, a 23-year-old teacher in England who met Carl Langdell through the dating website Plenty of Fish. Locke arranged to meet him in December 2015 and was subsequently murdered. Langdell pleaded guilty to her murder and received a life sentence. Reports surrounding the case also described false claims he had made about himself, illustrating the potential danger of accepting an online persona without independent verification.

The case of Warriena Wright also deserves careful consideration, although its legal outcome is different. Wright, a 26-year-old New Zealand woman visiting Australia, met Gable Tostee through Tinder and went to his apartment. She subsequently fell from the balcony and died. Tostee was charged with murder and manslaughter but was acquitted by a Queensland jury in 2016. Therefore, it would be inaccurate to characterize Wright’s death as a proven Tinder murder. Her case is nevertheless relevant to discussions about dating-app safety because it illustrates the risks that can arise when an initial online connection moves rapidly into a private physical environment.

These cases should never be used to argue that dating applications themselves are responsible for violent crime. Millions of people use dating services without experiencing serious harm, and some people have genuinely met lifelong partners through them. Pew Research Center found that one-in-ten partnered U.S. adults said they met their current partner through a dating site or app, rising to one-in-five among partnered adults under 30. Online dating therefore has a legitimate and increasingly significant role in contemporary relationships. The objective should not be to eliminate technology from romantic life but to develop greater technological literacy and personal safety awareness.

For women, particularly women who have already experienced harassment or unwanted attention, safety should begin before the first physical meeting. A first date should preferably occur in a populated public location rather than a private residence. A trusted person should know the individual’s name, photograph, telephone number, profile information, destination, and expected return time. Independent transportation or a reliable method of leaving the location is important. A new romantic interest should not immediately control where the meeting occurs, how the person travels, or when the person leaves.

Verification should also become a normal component of modern courtship. Video communication can establish that a person is capable of appearing consistently as the person represented online, although it does not constitute a complete background check. Reverse-image searches, examination of inconsistencies in photographs and biographies, independent social-media accounts, and basic verification of employment or public claims can provide additional information. No single verification method is foolproof, but multiple independent indicators are stronger than trusting a profile alone.

Women should also learn to recognize coercive behavior before it becomes normalized. Excessive jealousy, demands for passwords, pressure to abandon friends, anger when boundaries are established, insistence on secrecy, attempts to control transportation, repeated unwanted contact, threats, humiliation, financial demands, or efforts to isolate a person should not be romanticized as evidence of intense love. The CDC identifies psychological aggression and coercive control as important components of intimate partner violence. A relationship does not become healthy merely because the controlling behavior is accompanied by affection, gifts, apologies, or declarations of love.

There is also a financial dimension to digital romance that should not be overlooked. The FTC reported that consumers lost more than $12.5 billion to fraud overall in 2024, while the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center recorded more than $16 billion in reported internet-crime losses across all categories. The FBI’s 2024 data specifically recorded approximately $672 million in reported losses under its Confidence Fraud/Romance category. These figures are not interchangeable and should not be added together because the agencies use different reporting systems and definitions. They nevertheless demonstrate the enormous economic scale of online deception.

The most important principle is that love should never require the abandonment of wisdom. A woman does not have to prove that she is trusting by ignoring inconsistencies. She does not have to demonstrate compassion by sending money. She does not have to demonstrate romantic interest by meeting privately before she feels comfortable. She does not have to surrender her friendships, independence, financial information, location, passwords, or boundaries to convince another person that she cares.

For Black women, this conversation belongs within a broader discussion of dignity, self-protection, relationships, and social expectations. Black women are sometimes expected to be strong enough to tolerate almost anything, independent enough not to need assistance, compassionate enough to forgive repeatedly, and resilient enough to survive circumstances that should never have been imposed upon them. Strength, however, should not be confused with enduring preventable danger. Wisdom is not fear. Boundaries are not cruelty. Verification is not distrust. Walking away is not failure.

The goal, therefore, should not be to teach women to fear love but to teach them to distinguish love from manipulation. Technology can introduce two people, but technology cannot establish character. A beautiful photograph cannot establish integrity. A romantic message cannot establish emotional maturity. A successful career cannot establish morality. Religious language cannot establish trustworthiness. Money cannot establish goodness. Chemistry cannot establish safety. Character reveals itself through consistent behavior, accountability, respect for boundaries, honesty, and the treatment of other people.

The stories of Ashley Wadsworth, Katie Locke, and Warriena Wright should therefore be remembered carefully and respectfully—not as sensational entertainment, but as reminders of the vulnerability that can exist when digital relationships become physical relationships. Their stories are different, and their legal circumstances are different. Ashley and Katie’s cases resulted in murder convictions, while the man charged in Warriena’s death was acquitted. Accuracy matters because victims deserve the truth, and public discussions about safety become less credible when facts are exaggerated.

Online dating is neither inherently evil nor inherently safe. It is a technology that amplifies human interaction, and human beings possess both loving and destructive capacities. The responsibility of a person seeking love is not to become suspicious of everyone but to remain observant, maintain boundaries, verify important information, protect financial independence, preserve connections with trusted people, and take discomfort seriously. Love may be worth pursuing, but no romantic possibility is worth surrendering one’s life, dignity, safety, or peace.

For The Brown Girl Dilemma readers, the deeper lesson is this: a woman should never have to choose between being open to love and being wise about danger. She can be hopeful and cautious. She can be romantic and discerning. She can desire marriage and still investigate inconsistencies. She can believe in love without believing every person who says, “I love you.” In an age where strangers can enter our lives through a screen within seconds, wisdom requires remembering that access is not intimacy, attention is not affection, chemistry is not character, and a profile is not a person fully known.

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References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2025). About intimate partner violence.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2025). Stalking: Intimate partner violence prevention.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2026). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2023/2024 intimate partner violence data brief.

Federal Bureau of Investigation. (2025). 2024 Internet Crime Report. Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Federal Bureau of Investigation. (2024). New verification schemes target users of online dating platforms.

Federal Trade Commission. (2023). Romance scammers’ favorite lies exposed.

Federal Trade Commission. (2024). “Love Stinks” – when a scammer is involved.

Federal Trade Commission. (2025). New FTC data show a big jump in reported losses to fraud to $12.5 billion in 2024.

Pew Research Center. (2023). From looking for love to swiping the field: Online dating in the U.S.

Pew Research Center. (2023). The experiences of U.S. online daters.

biblical marriage, marriage, Singleness, The Courtship Chronicles, The Marriage Series, The Single Series

The Single Series: Before the Ring

10 Sep 2026 The Brown Girl Dilemma

A Biblical Guide to Preparing for Marriage – The Biblical Steps Before Marriage

Being single is not a punishment, a defect, or evidence that God has forgotten you. Scripture presents singleness as a season in which a person can devote attention to God, develop spiritual maturity, establish identity, and prepare for the responsibilities that accompany marriage. Before seeking a husband or wife, the believer should first seek God. Jesus instructed His followers to “seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33, KJV). The foundation of a healthy marriage cannot be another human being; it must first be a relationship with the Creator.

The first biblical step before marriage, therefore, is prayer. Prayer allows a person to bring desires, fears, expectations, and hopes before God instead of letting loneliness or desperation drive decisions. A woman who desires marriage should pray not merely, “Lord, send me a husband,” but also, “Lord, prepare me to become the woman who can faithfully fulfill the responsibilities of marriage.” Likewise, a man should ask God to develop him into a husband of integrity, wisdom, responsibility, patience, and sacrificial love.

The second step is developing an authentic relationship with God. A person should learn how to worship, pray, study Scripture, obey God, repent, forgive, and walk according to biblical principles before making marriage the center of life. Marriage cannot permanently satisfy a spiritual hunger that only God can satisfy. When a person expects a spouse to become their source of identity, emotional security, purpose, or salvation, the marriage can become burdened with expectations no human being was created to carry.

The third step is understanding your identity outside of marriage. You are not incomplete because you are unmarried. Your worth does not increase when someone places a ring on your finger, nor does it decrease because you are still waiting. Scripture says that human beings are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Consequently, identity must precede relationship. A woman should know who she is in God before allowing a man to define her, and a man should know who he is in God before expecting a woman to validate his masculinity.

The fourth step is allowing God to work on your character. Before asking whether another person is attractive, successful, wealthy, educated, or charismatic, ask whether you are becoming a person of godly character. Galatians 5:22–23 describes the fruit of the Spirit, including love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. These qualities are far more consequential to a lifelong marriage than temporary chemistry. Physical attraction may initiate interest, but character determines much of what happens after the excitement fades.

The fifth step is learning not to act out of desperation. A woman should not believe she must chase men, compete with other women, manipulate attention, or compromise her standards simply because she wants marriage. Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing.” Within the biblical principle expressed by that passage, the emphasis is not on a woman desperately pursuing a man but on the value of a man recognizing and finding a suitable wife. This does not mean a woman must be passive or incapable of expressing interest; rather, she does not have to hunt for validation or abandon dignity in an attempt to secure a relationship.

The sixth step is learning discernment. Not every man who expresses interest is a man sent into your life for marriage. Attraction is not confirmation. Attention is not commitment. Chemistry is not character. Words are not necessarily evidence of integrity. Proverbs 4:23 teaches, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” A woman should therefore observe a man’s conduct, consistency, relationship with God, treatment of others, attitude toward responsibility, honesty, emotional maturity, and willingness to honor boundaries.

The seventh step is establishing sexual purity. Biblical preparation for marriage requires taking God’s instructions concerning sexual intimacy seriously. Scripture repeatedly condemns fornication, including in 1 Corinthians 6:18: “Flee fornication.” Sexual intimacy belongs within the covenant of marriage. Therefore, no sex before marriage should not merely be viewed as an old-fashioned rule but as a biblical boundary intended to protect holiness, emotional well-being, and the seriousness of the marriage covenant.

Sexual purity also requires more than simply saying no to intercourse. It requires wisdom concerning situations, conversations, physical affection, pornography, provocative communication, and emotional intimacy that can gradually weaken one’s convictions. First Thessalonians 4:3–5 teaches believers to abstain from sexual immorality and exercise self-control. The objective is not merely to avoid getting caught but to honor God with the body. First Corinthians 6:19–20 reminds believers that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and therefore should be treated accordingly.

The eighth step is refusing to confuse lust with love. Lust wants immediate gratification; love is willing to exercise patience, sacrifice, responsibility, and self-control. Someone who genuinely respects you should not continually pressure you to violate your convictions. A person who says, “If you loved me, you would have sex with me,” is attempting to redefine love according to desire rather than covenant. Biblical love does not demand that another person sin to prove affection.

The ninth step is learning what marriage actually requires. Marriage is not simply a beautiful wedding, romantic photographs, vacations, intimacy, and companionship. Marriage involves finances, household responsibilities, illness, aging, family relationships, conflict, forgiveness, sacrifice, communication, and perseverance. Ephesians 5:21–33 presents marriage in terms of mutual responsibility, sacrificial love, and profound spiritual symbolism. Anyone preparing for marriage should therefore study what Scripture actually teaches about being a husband or wife rather than allowing television, social media, or romantic fantasies to define marriage.

The tenth step is examining your expectations. Some people enter relationships looking for a perfect spouse while ignoring their own imperfections. Biblical maturity requires asking difficult questions: Am I teachable? Can I apologize? Can I forgive? Do I communicate honestly? Do I manage anger appropriately? Am I financially responsible? Can I respect boundaries? Do I keep my commitments? Marriage exposes character because two lives eventually share ordinary circumstances, not merely extraordinary romantic moments.

The eleventh step is becoming financially responsible. Scripture contains extensive wisdom concerning stewardship, diligence, debt, generosity, and responsibility. Proverbs 21:5 teaches that the plans of the diligent tend toward abundance, while haste tends toward poverty. A prospective spouse does not need to be wealthy, but there should be evidence of responsibility. Financial compatibility matters because money can become a significant source of marital conflict when two people possess radically different attitudes toward spending, saving, debt, generosity, and stewardship.

The twelfth step is learning healthy communication and conflict resolution. Two people entering marriage will eventually disagree. The question is not whether conflict will exist but whether the couple possesses the maturity to handle disagreement without cruelty, manipulation, intimidation, contempt, or violence. James 1:19 instructs believers to be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” A potential spouse should therefore be evaluated not only by how they treat you when everything is going well but also by how they behave when frustrated, disappointed, corrected, or told no.

The thirteenth step is observing how a potential spouse treats other people. Character is rarely limited to romantic interactions. Pay attention to how a man treats his mother, children, coworkers, waiters, strangers, elderly people, animals, and people from whom he has nothing to gain. A person can perform romance temporarily, but patterns of character eventually become visible. Scripture emphasizes that what comes from within eventually manifests outwardly (Matthew 12:34).

The fourteenth step is refusing to ignore red flags because of attraction. Loneliness can cause people to rationalize behavior they would normally recognize as unacceptable. A woman should not convince herself that dishonesty, addiction, uncontrolled anger, disrespect, manipulation, chronic irresponsibility, or sexual pressure will magically disappear after marriage. Marriage does not automatically transform character. While people can genuinely change through repentance and spiritual growth, discernment requires evaluating the fruit of that change, not merely listening to promises about future change.

The fifteenth step is seeking wise counsel. Proverbs 11:14 teaches that “in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” A potential marriage should not be evaluated solely through the emotions of the two people involved. Mature, trustworthy believers can sometimes see what infatuated people cannot. Godly counsel should not mean allowing everyone to control your relationship, but it does mean being humble enough to listen when people who genuinely care about your well-being identify legitimate concerns.

The sixteenth step is learning patience. Waiting can be difficult, particularly when friends are marrying, relationships appear everywhere on social media, or family members continually ask when you will settle down. Yet rushing into an unsuitable relationship because you fear being alone can produce consequences far more painful than waiting. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is “a time to every purpose under the heaven.” God’s timing may not resemble our preferred timetable, but impatience should never become the reason we compromise biblical convictions.

The seventeenth step is preparing emotionally for covenant rather than fantasy. A spouse will have weaknesses, preferences, moods, histories, and imperfections. Marriage requires learning the difference between legitimate imperfections and serious character problems. The goal is not finding a flawless person but finding someone whose life demonstrates faith, integrity, responsibility, repentance, compatibility, and genuine love. Two imperfect people can build a strong marriage when both are committed to God, truth, humility, and growth.

The eighteenth step is understanding that courtship should reveal compatibility rather than merely produce excitement. During courtship, conversations should eventually move beyond attraction and entertainment into meaningful subjects such as faith, children, finances, family responsibilities, career expectations, communication, conflict, lifestyle, values, and long-term goals. The purpose is not to interrogate someone but to discover whether two people can realistically build a life together. Marriage should not be entered because someone makes your heart race; it should be entered with wisdom, prayer, conviction, and understanding.

The nineteenth step is remembering that marriage is a covenant, not merely a relationship status. Malachi 2:14 describes marriage as a covenant, and Jesus emphasized the seriousness and permanence of the marital union in Matthew 19:4–6. Consequently, dating should never be approached as though people are merely testing one another for entertainment. The process should involve increasing intentionality, honesty, respect, and responsibility. If marriage is ultimately the goal, then the relationship should be evaluated according to whether it can support the weight of a lifelong covenant.

The final step is surrendering the outcome to God. A woman can pray, prepare, maintain purity, develop wisdom, become emotionally mature, and live faithfully without knowing exactly when or how marriage will happen. The objective is not to manipulate God into producing a husband according to a personal timetable. The objective is to become faithful to God regardless of relationship status. If marriage comes, enter it with gratitude and wisdom. If the waiting continues, continue living a meaningful life. Psalm 37:4–5 reminds believers to delight themselves in the Lord, commit their way to Him, and trust Him. The biblical journey toward marriage therefore begins not with chasing someone but with seeking God, becoming spiritually mature, guarding one’s heart and body, exercising discernment, and trusting divine providence. The right marriage should add to a life already surrendered to God—not become a substitute for God.

References

The Holy Bible, King James Version. (1611). The Holy Bible.

Genesis 1:27. Humanity created in the image of God.

Proverbs 4:23. “Keep thy heart with all diligence.”

Proverbs 11:14. Wisdom and safety through godly counsel.

Proverbs 18:22. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing.”

Proverbs 21:5. The principle of diligence and responsible planning.

Matthew 6:33. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness.”

Matthew 12:34. The relationship between the heart and outward conduct.

Matthew 19:4–6. Jesus’ teaching concerning marriage and the union of husband and wife.

1 Corinthians 6:18–20. The command to flee fornication and honor God with the body.

Galatians 5:22–23. The fruit of the Spirit and Christian character.

Ephesians 5:21–33. Biblical responsibilities concerning husbands, wives, love, sacrifice, and marriage.

1 Thessalonians 4:3–5. Sexual holiness and self-control.

James 1:19. Being swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath.

Malachi 2:14. Marriage described in covenantal terms.

Ecclesiastes 3:1. “To every thing there is a season.”

Psalm 37:4–5. Delight in the Lord, commit one’s way to Him, and trust Him.

Singleness, the brown girl dilemma, The Single Series, Widow

The Single Series: Beyond Widowhood

26 Aug 2026 The Brown Girl Dilemma

Rediscovering Life, Identity, Purpose, and Love After Loss

The loss of a husband can be one of the most devastating experiences a woman will ever endure. When you have shared your life with someone, built memories together, established routines, loved deeply, and imagined growing old together, his absence can make the world feel unfamiliar. Widowhood is not simply the loss of a person; it can feel like the loss of an entire life as you knew it. For me, the loss of my husband was devastating. It took a long time before I could begin to feel that life was normal again. Even today, I still miss him.

Grief does not follow a calendar. People may eventually stop asking how you are doing, but that does not mean the love or memories have disappeared. A widow can laugh again, work again, travel again, worship again, and even imagine a future again while still missing the man she lost. Healing does not require forgetting. Sometimes healing means learning how to carry the memory of someone you loved while continuing to live the life that remains.

The Bible has a special concern for widows. Scripture repeatedly commands God’s people to care for them rather than exploit their vulnerability. Deuteronomy 10:18 declares that God “doth execute the judgment of the fatherless and widow” (KJV). Psalm 68:5 calls Him “A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows” (KJV). These passages reveal something important: God sees the widow. Her circumstances are not invisible to Him.

God’s concern for widows is not merely sentimental. Scripture places responsibility upon the community to provide practical care. Isaiah 1:17 commands God’s people to “relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow” (KJV). James 1:27 describes pure religion as including the care of “the fatherless and widows in their affliction” (KJV). Biblical faith therefore requires more than telling widows to “be strong.” It calls God’s people to actually help them.

First Timothy 5 provides an extensive discussion of widows and emphasizes that families should take responsibility for caring for their own relatives when possible (1 Timothy 5:3–16, KJV). This is important because widowhood can create practical vulnerabilities in addition to emotional ones. A woman may suddenly find herself responsible for bills, housing, children, insurance, taxes, repairs, and decisions that were previously shared with her husband. Grief can therefore be accompanied by tremendous financial and practical pressure.

My own journey through widowhood has included financial difficulties and tribulations that seemed to come one after another. There have been moments when I have wondered, “Where is God in all of this?” That is an honest question. Faith does not mean pretending that everything is easy. There are moments when a believer can love God deeply and still feel exhausted, frightened, confused, or overwhelmed. The Psalms are filled with people crying out to God in precisely these circumstances.

David repeatedly asked God questions in the middle of distress. Psalm 13 begins with the words, “How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever?” (KJV). Yet David did not remain in despair. He eventually declared, “But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation” (Psalm 13:5, KJV). There is something profoundly comforting about this passage: God allows His people to bring their questions to Him. A widow does not have to hide her pain from God to prove her faith.

Through everything, I have discovered that God is the One who pulled me through. Even when I could not understand what He was doing, He sustained me. Even when circumstances seemed impossible, I somehow continued. Even when I felt that I had reached the end of my strength, another day came. Isaiah 40:31 reminds us that “they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength” (KJV). Sometimes God’s provision comes as a dramatic miracle; other times it comes as enough strength to get through one more day.

Widowhood has also taught me that vulnerability can attract people with dishonorable intentions. Many men have attempted to fill the place of my husband. Some had the wrong intentions. Some were posers, liars, ungodly, and simply losers. Others presented themselves as men of faith when their lives did not demonstrate the character they claimed to possess. Some even told me that the Most High had supposedly told them that I would be their wife.

Sisters, please understand this: someone telling you that God said you belong to them does not make it true. God does not need another person to manipulate you with a supposed divine revelation. A man’s claim that God chose you for him is not a substitute for your discernment, his character, mutual consent, and a relationship that demonstrates godly fruit. Scripture tells us to “try the spirits whether they are of God” (1 John 4:1, KJV). We are instructed to examine what people claim rather than blindly accepting every spiritual declaration.

One of the strongest boundaries I established was simple: no sex until marriage. That decision weeded a lot of men out. Men who were genuinely interested in building something honorable could respect the boundary. Men whose primary objective was sexual access often revealed themselves quickly. What initially felt like rejection became discernment. Sometimes God protects us by allowing someone’s true intentions to become obvious.

First Corinthians 6:18 instructs believers to “flee fornication” (KJV), while Hebrews 13:4 declares that marriage is honorable and that sexual intimacy belongs within the honor of marriage. Waiting until marriage is not about pretending that sexuality does not exist. It is about recognizing that sexuality carries spiritual, emotional, and relational consequences and should not be separated from covenant commitment.

My experience has taught me that finding a good man can feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack. There are many men who can talk about God, quote Scripture, attend church, or use spiritual language. But finding a man who truly loves God with all his heart and actually lives the life is another matter. Character cannot be established by words alone. Jesus taught that people are known by their fruits (Matthew 7:16–20, KJV). The question is not merely, “Does he say he loves God?” The question is, “Does his life demonstrate that he does?”

A godly man should not need to manipulate a woman, pressure her sexually, deceive her, compete with her, or use God as a weapon to obtain her affection. His life should demonstrate integrity, self-control, humility, faithfulness, compassion, responsibility, and reverence for God. Galatians 5:22–23 describes the fruit of the Spirit as including love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance (KJV). These qualities matter far more than impressive words.

Widows must also be careful not to allow loneliness to make them lower their standards. Loneliness is real. There may be nights when you desperately want someone beside you. There may be holidays when the empty chair seems louder than everything else in the room. There may be moments when you wish someone would simply hold you and tell you that everything will be okay. But loneliness should never become a reason to accept someone who will destroy the peace you fought so hard to recover. Loneliness really wasn’t an issue for me; I was homeschooling my son and working nonstop to keep my mind busy.

You do not dishonor your deceased husband by continuing to live. You do not betray the memories you shared by smiling again. You do not dishonor your past by discovering new interests, developing new friendships, pursuing new goals, or even considering love again someday. Ecclesiastes teaches that there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4, KJV). Life contains different seasons, and God can meet us in every one of them.

At the same time, no widow should feel pressured to remarry. Marriage is not a requirement for a woman’s life to have meaning. Paul acknowledges the unmarried and widowed in First Corinthians 7 and discusses both singleness and marriage without suggesting that one person’s worth is greater than the other’s (1 Corinthians 7:8–9, KJV). A widow can live a full, meaningful, productive, spiritually rich life without replacing her husband.

Your identity must ultimately be found in God. Your husband was important, but he was never your Creator. He was a beloved companion, not the source of your existence. When he died, something precious was taken from your earthly life, but your relationship with God remained. Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever” (KJV). That verse speaks powerfully to the widow whose earthly circumstances have changed but whose God has not changed.

There may also be seasons when God seems silent. Financial struggles can make faith difficult. Unexpected bills, uncertainty, loneliness, and unanswered prayers can wear down even a strong woman. But silence is not necessarily abandonment. Sometimes God is working in ways we cannot yet see. Proverbs 3:5–6 instructs us to trust in the LORD rather than leaning entirely upon our own understanding. Trust does not mean that we understand everything. It means we continue walking with God even when we do not.

Widowhood can also become a season of discovering strength that you did not know you possessed. You may discover that you can make decisions you once made together. You may learn financial skills, develop new talents, pursue education, build a business, serve others, strengthen your relationship with God, or become an encouragement to another widow. The woman who emerges from grief may not be the woman she was before her husband’s death—and that is not necessarily a tragedy. Sometimes suffering produces a deeper wisdom.

My relationship with God is what is helping me. That relationship has become an anchor through circumstances I never expected to face. I have questioned. I have cried. I have become discouraged. I have wondered where God was in the middle of financial difficulties and tribulations. Yet somehow, He has continued to carry me. Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (KJV). I have learned that sometimes the greatest evidence of God’s presence is simply the fact that I am still standing.

To every widow reading this: permit yourself to grieve. Permit yourself to remember. Permit yourself to laugh. Permit yourself to start again. Do not let anyone rush you into another relationship because they believe you have been alone long enough. Do not allow anyone to exploit your vulnerability. Do not confuse attention with love, spiritual language with godliness, chemistry with character, or loneliness with destiny.

Protect your heart, but do not bury it. Be discerning, but do not become bitter. Be cautious, but do not assume every person is the same. There are still honorable people in the world. There are still men who fear God, value commitment, respect boundaries, keep their word, and understand that love is demonstrated through action. Whether God brings another marriage into your life or not, your future remains valuable.

And if another relationship ever comes, let it be one that honors God rather than merely fills an empty chair. Let it be built slowly enough for character to reveal itself. Let the man’s actions agree with his words. Let him respect your boundaries. Let him honor your history rather than compete with the memory of your husband. Let him understand that loving a widow may require patience because she carries a history that cannot simply be erased.

Most importantly, do not allow anyone to convince you that you must have another man to be whole. You are already a complete human being created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27, KJV). Marriage can be a beautiful gift, but it is not the foundation of your worth. Your worth existed before your marriage, during your marriage, and after your husband’s death.

Beyond widowhood does not mean beyond the memories. It means beyond allowing loss to become the final chapter. It means recognizing that grief can coexist with hope. It means understanding that missing your husband does not mean you cannot embrace tomorrow. It means allowing God to take the broken pieces of a life you never expected to rebuild and create something meaningful from them.

My next chapter is still being written by HIS hand. I do not know everything that chapter will contain. I do not know every answer to my financial struggles, every detail of my future, or whether another man will ever occupy the place of husband in my life. But I know who holds the pen. And that is enough for me to keep moving forward.

To every widow: your story is not over. You have survived days you once believed you could never survive. You have cried tears that nobody else saw. You have carried responsibilities that once belonged to two people. You have awakened to an empty side of the bed and still gotten up. You have continued when continuing was difficult. That is strength.

There is life beyond widowhood. There can be purpose beyond widowhood. There can be joy beyond widowhood. There can be service, friendship, creativity, accomplishment, spiritual growth, laughter, peace, and perhaps even love beyond widowhood. But you do not have to force any of it. Walk with God one day at a time. Let Him restore what grief has damaged. Let Him teach you what the next season requires. Let Him close doors that would harm you and open doors that are consistent with His will.

The widow’s journey is not simply a journey from loss to another relationship. It is a journey from devastation toward restoration, from uncertainty toward trust, and from asking “What is left of my life?” toward discovering that God still has purpose for the life that remains. Psalm 30:5 reminds us, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (KJV). The morning may not arrive on our schedule, but we can continue believing that darkness does not have the final word.

I still miss my husband. I always will. Love does not disappear simply because death separates two people. But I am learning that I can carry the love and memories of yesterday while still walking toward tomorrow. My husband was part of my story, but he was not the author of my entire story. God is.

And so I continue.

I continue to pray.

I continue to believe.

I continue to hope.

I continue to build.

I continue to live.

Because my next chapter is still being written by HIS hand.

Biblical References

The Holy Bible, King James Version. (KJV).

Deuteronomy 10:18 — God cares for and protects widows.
Deuteronomy 24:17–21 — Israel commanded not to mistreat widows.
Psalm 13:1–6 — Honest lament and renewed trust in God.
Psalm 46:1 — God as refuge and strength in trouble.
Psalm 68:5 — God as a defender of widows.
Psalm 73:26 — God as the strength and portion of His people.
Psalm 147:3 — God heals the brokenhearted.
Proverbs 3:5–6 — Trusting God when the path is unclear.
Isaiah 1:17 — God’s people commanded to care for widows.
Isaiah 40:31 — God renews the strength of those who wait upon Him.
Matthew 7:16–20 — People are known by their fruit.
1 Corinthians 6:18 — Fleeing sexual immorality.
1 Corinthians 7:8–9 — Paul’s teaching concerning widows and marriage.
Galatians 5:22–23 — The fruit of the Spirit.
1 Timothy 5:3–16 — Care and responsibility toward widows.
Hebrews 13:4 — Marriage honored and sexual purity protected.
James 1:27 — Caring for widows as an expression of pure religion.
1 John 4:1 — Testing spiritual claims rather than believing every spirit.

biblical marriage, God is Guide, marriage, Relationships, Singleness

Soulmates

20 Nov 2025 The Brown Girl Dilemma

A soulmate is one of the most romanticized ideas in modern conversations about love. Many describe a soulmate as the one person perfectly designed to complete them, understand them, and share a deep emotional, spiritual, and relational bond unlike any other. The concept sounds beautiful, yet the question remains: is this idea truly biblical, or is it more cultural than scriptural?

In Scripture, the word soulmate never appears. The Bible does not speak of a single predestined human who completes another, but it does speak about the joining of two lives under God’s divine guidance. While the modern word “soulmate” may not exist in the biblical text, the spiritual reality of God-ordained connection does appear throughout the narrative of human relationships.

One of the clearest biblical foundations surrounding relationships and connection is found in Genesis. When God created Eve for Adam, the Scripture says she was “a help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18, KJV). This phrase describes someone corresponding to him, someone who complements him, someone suitable and compatible. This is deeper than physical attraction; it is spiritual alignment and purpose.

When Adam saw Eve, he recognized something divine, something destined. He declared, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23, KJV). Adam did not call Eve his soulmate, but he acknowledged a God-made union—a sacred connection created by the Father Himself. This sets a precedent: God creates relationships that carry divine purpose.

Some people believe a soulmate is someone who understands their soul so deeply that the bond feels supernatural. In Scripture, the closest example to this type of connection is the bond between David and Jonathan. The Bible says, “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David” (1 Samuel 18:1, KJV). Though this relationship was friendship, not marriage, it shows that God can knit souls together with loyalty, unity, and spiritual strength.

When talking about marriage, the Bible frames it as a covenant, not merely a connection of souls. Marriage is spiritual, emotional, physical, and purposeful. Scripture tells us, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, KJV). Becoming one flesh is more than romance—it is oneness in purpose, unity, and destiny.

The idea of a soulmate can sometimes be misleading because it implies a person cannot be whole without another human being. Scripture teaches the opposite. The Bible emphasizes that wholeness comes from God, not from a partner. We are made complete in Christ, not in another person. Yet God often brings someone who aligns with one’s purpose and spiritual walk.

Do soulmates truly exist? If by “soulmate” we mean someone God ordains for your life, someone whose spirit aligns with yours, someone who strengthens your walk with Him—then yes, God does orchestrate divine connections. But if by “soulmate” we mean a perfect person who never conflicts with us or disappoints us, that is not biblical. Marriage requires work, forgiveness, humility, and grace.

Marriage in the Bible is a covenant designed to reflect God’s relationship with His people. Husbands are instructed to love their wives “even as Christ also loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25, KJV). Wives are instructed to honor and support their husbands. Marriage is divine teamwork, where both partners strive to glorify God through unity.

Many people seek a soulmate for emotional fulfillment. Yet Scripture teaches that marriage is more than emotional satisfaction. It is a sacred assignment. A husband and wife together build a family, carry a generational legacy, and model the love of Christ. Marriage is a ministry, not just a romance.

Relationships become strongest when both partners are connected to God first. A so-called “soulmate” relationship is really one where both individuals seek God and allow Him to lead the partnership. When God is at the center, the union becomes spiritually aligned and deeply rooted.

Marriage reflects the mystery of Christ and the church, showing that love is not just passion but sacrifice. A soulmate, in the biblical sense, is someone who walks with you into your divine calling, helps you grow in holiness, and stands with you in covenant.

A soulmate is not fate; it is divine alignment. It is not magical; it is spiritual. It is not about completion; it is about companionship under God’s direction. The Bible teaches that “two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9, KJV), because together they can fulfill what one cannot accomplish alone.

What does the Bible say about finding such a partner? Scripture tells believers not to be “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV). A true soulmate-like connection is one where both partners share spiritual values and walk the same path of righteousness. Alignment matters.

Marriage is therefore less about finding a soulmate and more about becoming the right partner—holy, loving, and mature in Christ. God brings two prepared hearts together, forming a union that honors Him.

Ultimately, the meaning of marriage is covenant. It is loyalty, sacrifice, unity, and a lifelong commitment. Marriage mirrors God’s faithfulness, and when two people honor God together, their bond can feel as deep and profound as what many call “soulmates.”

A soulmate might be better described as a God-ordained partner—one who complements your purpose, strengthens your faith, and loves you through the lens of Scripture. This type of relationship exists not because the universe aligned something, but because God authored it.

At its core, biblical love is not about finding the perfect soul to match yours. It is about two imperfect souls surrendering to a perfect God, allowing Him to shape their hearts, guide their union, and reveal His glory through their covenant.

References (KJV)
Genesis 2:18
Genesis 2:23
Genesis 2:24
1 Samuel 18:1
Ecclesiastes 4:9–12
2 Corinthians 6:14
Ephesians 5:25

Black Women, Singleness, strong black woman

Lessons from Strong Single Black Women

5 Sep 2025 The Brown Girl Dilemma

Strong single Black women have long served as pillars of resilience, leadership, and community support. They navigate societal pressures, systemic inequities, and personal challenges while maintaining dignity and purpose. Among these, widows occupy a unique space; their experiences of loss and perseverance offer profound lessons in faith, strength, and independence. The Bible provides numerous examples of women who, despite their single status or widowhood, embody courage, wisdom, and steadfastness (Ruth 1:16; Proverbs 31:25 KJV).

One key lesson from strong single Black women is the importance of self-reliance. Widows and single women often bear the dual responsibility of providing for themselves and their families. This fosters resilience and financial literacy. Scripture emphasizes resourcefulness, as seen in the story of the widow of Zarephath, whose faith and prudence ensured survival during famine (1 Kings 17:7-16 KJV). Modern single Black women similarly must cultivate skills in budgeting, career growth, and decision-making.

Strength in Singleness: 10 Lessons for Single and Widowed Black Women

Trust in God’s Timing
Faith is central to navigating singleness and widowhood. Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV) reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Trusting God’s plan reduces anxiety about the future and empowers women to make wise decisions.
Embrace Self-Reliance
Single and widowed women often bear multiple responsibilities. Developing skills in financial management, career growth, and household management fosters independence and confidence. Like the biblical widow of Zarephath (1 Kings 17:7-16 KJV), resourcefulness ensures survival and stability.
Prioritize Emotional Health
Acknowledging grief, stress, and emotional needs is essential. Therapy, journaling, or support groups can help process emotions. Suppressing feelings under the “strong woman” expectation can lead to burnout and emotional fatigue.
Set Boundaries
Establishing personal and relational boundaries ensures respect and preserves energy. Proverbs 31:26 (KJV) highlights wisdom and discernment: “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” Boundaries are a form of self-respect.
Invest in Education and Personal Growth
Continual learning and skill development strengthen confidence, financial independence, and social mobility. Proverbs 4:7 (KJV) reminds us, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”
Engage in Community and Mentorship
Strong single women often become mentors, leaders, and pillars in their communities. Sharing experiences and guidance fosters a sense of purpose and combats isolation. Galatians 6:2 (KJV) encourages, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”
Celebrate Your Achievements
Take time to acknowledge personal victories, however small. Recognizing accomplishments affirms self-worth and counters societal narratives that devalue single or widowed women.
Cultivate Spiritual and Physical Wellness
Maintaining spiritual practices, such as prayer and scripture study, along with physical self-care, nurtures resilience. Isaiah 40:31 (KJV) states, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles…”
Avoid Rushing Relationships
Single and widowed women should seek partners who respect values, integrity, and faith. Avoiding pressure or settling ensures healthier relationships built on mutual respect and shared goals.
Embrace Authenticity and Joy
Strength includes being true to oneself, accepting imperfections, and celebrating life’s joys. Authentic living fosters peace, fulfillment, and empowerment, demonstrating that singleness or widowhood is not a deficit but a stage of growth.

By integrating faith, self-care, and purposeful living, single and widowed Black women can navigate life with resilience, joy, and empowerment. These lessons honor the legacy of biblical women while providing practical guidance for modern life.

Faith remains central to the life of the single or widowed Black woman. Trusting in God’s timing and guidance sustains them through challenges. Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV) encourages reliance on the Lord: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Single Black women, like biblical women, exemplify faith-driven perseverance, often turning to prayer, scripture, and community support for direction.

Another lesson is the cultivation of emotional intelligence and self-respect. Single women learn to set healthy boundaries, prioritize personal growth, and avoid compromising their values for social acceptance or romantic relationships. Proverbs 31:26 (KJV) says, “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” Strong single Black women combine wisdom, discernment, and compassion in navigating both personal and professional spaces.

Community engagement is another hallmark. Single and widowed Black women often become mentors, advocates, and leaders within their neighborhoods, churches, and professional networks. By investing in others, they build networks of mutual support, reflecting the biblical principle of serving one another (Galatians 6:2 KJV). Their actions demonstrate that strength is not solely individual but relational and generative.

Resilience in the face of adversity is central to their experience. Widows, in particular, face grief, economic challenges, and societal invisibility. Yet, like biblical widows—such as Naomi—they model perseverance and hope, showing that life after loss can be meaningful and fulfilling (Ruth 4:14-17 KJV). This resilience provides a roadmap for other women navigating trials, emphasizing patience, faith, and strategic action.

Strong single Black women also emphasize education and continuous learning. Pursuing higher education, vocational training, and personal development equips them to navigate systemic barriers and secure financial independence. Proverbs 4:7 (KJV) reminds us, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” Education empowers them to challenge inequities and mentor younger generations.

Lastly, self-care and spiritual wellness are foundational. Maintaining mental, physical, and emotional health enables single and widowed women to sustain their responsibilities while cultivating joy and fulfillment. Isaiah 40:31 (KJV) states, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Integrating self-care with faith ensures long-term resilience and influence.

Strong single Black women, including widows, embody lessons in perseverance, faith, wisdom, and empowerment. Their experiences teach the value of self-reliance, spiritual grounding, community involvement, and continuous growth. By studying and celebrating their journeys, society can better understand the complexities, challenges, and triumphs of single Black women in modern life.

References

Holy Bible, King James Version (KJV).
Collins, P. H. (2000). Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. Routledge.
Woods-Giscombé, C. L. (2010). “Superwoman Schema: African American Women’s Views on Stress, Strength, and Health.” Qualitative Health Research, 20(5), 668–683.
American Psychological Association. (2017). Stress in America: Coping with Change. APA.
Stack, C. B. (1974). All Our Kin: Strategies for Survival in a Black Community. Harper & Row.
Lincoln, C. E., & Mamiya, L. H. (1990). The Black Church in the African American Experience. Duke University Press.
Thomas, A. J., Witherspoon, K. M., & Speight, S. L. (2019). “Toward a Model of the Strong Black Woman Schema.” Psychology of Women Quarterly, 43(4), 1–17.
Hill, M. S. (2000). “Parenting and Family Processes in Low-Income, African American Families.” Marriage & Family Review, 29(3-4), 247–271.

girl-talk-series, sin, Singleness, the brown girl dilemma, women

Girl Talk Series: Silly Woman Syndrome

19 Aug 2025 The Brown Girl Dilemma

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

A Biblical and Psychological Perspective

In 2 Timothy 3:6–7, the Apostle Paul warns of those who “creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (KJV). The term “silly women” does not refer to a woman’s intellect but to her spiritual instability, vulnerability to deception, and enslavement to sinful desires. The passage highlights how lust opens the door for manipulation. Lust, as defined in James 1:14–15, begins as temptation but, when conceived, gives birth to sin, which eventually brings forth death. From a psychological perspective, women enslaved by lust often confuse physical intimacy with genuine love, seeking to fill emotional voids with fleeting encounters. This cycle only deepens shame, leaving them more susceptible to exploitation and control.

Paul’s observation that such women are “ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” underscores the futility of seeking love through performance, manipulation, or sensuality. Many women in this state exhaust themselves by endlessly acquiring tips, self-help advice, or cosmetic changes in the hope of winning a man’s affection. This reflects a deep psychological struggle with identity and self-worth, where validation is derived not from God but from human approval (American Psychological Association, 2019). In the end, the pursuit of being “chosen” through external efforts blinds them to the truth that love cannot be manufactured. Instead, Proverbs 18:22 reminds that it is the man who finds a wife, and that godly union is a blessing from the Lord.

One of the most destructive manifestations of “silly woman syndrome” is adultery. In modern society, cases of women pursuing married men or engaging in extramarital affairs have become increasingly normalized, despite the biblical commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). Adultery thrives on desperation and unmet emotional needs, but it carries profound consequences: broken families, emotional trauma, and spiritual death (Proverbs 6:32). Psychologically, women who engage in adultery often do so out of feelings of inadequacy, competition, or a desire for affirmation. Yet, adultery never yields true fulfillment; instead, it creates deeper cycles of guilt, secrecy, and loss of dignity.

Fornication, too, is tied to this syndrome, as desperation leads many women to seek validation through casual sexual encounters. Scripture warns clearly: “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). Fornication is not merely a physical act but an attack against one’s own temple of the Holy Spirit. Women who fall into these patterns often wrestle with low self-esteem and the psychological need for external affirmation. According to self-worth theory in psychology, individuals with fragile self-esteem often attempt to find value in others’ approval, leaving them trapped in unhealthy cycles (Crocker & Park, 2004). The antidote is rediscovering one’s worth in God’s image, not in the fleeting desires of men.

Another marker of this condition is the rejection of biblical order. Scripture says, “He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). In God’s design, it is the man who initiates covenantal pursuit, not the woman who chases after him. Yet, “silly women” attempt to reverse this order by pursuing men, begging for affection, or manipulating circumstances to force relationships. Such behavior undermines a woman’s dignity and contradicts the principle of letting a man, under God’s leading, recognize her value. Psychologically, chasing men often stems from attachment insecurity, where fear of abandonment drives compulsive pursuit (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).

At the heart of this condition lies a lack of virtue. Proverbs 31:10 describes the virtuous woman as one whose worth is “far above rubies.” By contrast, the silly woman has no stable values or standards, conforming instead to whatever will attract attention or secure companionship. This lack of boundaries leads to destructive decisions. The need for constant male validation, whether through physical appearance, sexuality, or flattery, robs her of inner stability. Virtue provides the anchor of self-respect; without it, a woman becomes tossed by cultural trends, peer pressure, and lustful men who exploit her weaknesses.

Neglecting health is also part of this cycle. Paul teaches that the body is the “temple of the Holy Ghost” (1 Corinthians 6:19), yet many women consumed with chasing relationships neglect their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. The desperation to maintain a man’s attention may even lead to harmful beauty practices, stress, or mental health decline. Psychological studies confirm that chronic stress and relational instability are linked to anxiety, depression, and poor physical health (McEwen, 2007). True healing requires redirecting energy toward self-care, wellness, and alignment with God’s purpose rather than obsessive relational pursuit.

Ultimately, “silly woman syndrome” is a condition rooted in sin, low self-worth, and spiritual blindness. Its cure is not found in external validation but in Christ, who restores dignity, order, and purpose. Women must resist being “led away with divers lusts” by grounding themselves in biblical truth, cultivating virtue, and allowing godly men to lead under divine order. By embracing wisdom, setting standards, and nurturing their bodies and souls, women can break free from the destructive cycles Paul describes. The path forward is one of self-respect, holiness, and surrender to God, which alone transforms “silly women” into women of strength and honor.

References

The Holy Bible, King James Version.
American Psychological Association. (2019). Publication manual of the American Psychological Association (7th ed.). APA.
Crocker, J., & Park, L. E. (2004). The costly pursuit of self-esteem. Psychological Bulletin, 130(3), 392–414.
McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873–904.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.

Biblical Precepts, marriage, Relationships, Singleness

Dilemma: I DON’T NEED A MAN!?

26 Jul 2025 The Brown Girl Dilemma

The popular phrase “I don’t need a man” echoes through modern culture, often touted as a badge of strength, independence, and self-reliance. While independence has its virtues, the sentiment frequently masks deep cultural wounds, spiritual misalignment, and historical shifts that have led to the breakdown of the biblical model of love, marriage, and mutual support. From the Genesis account of Adam and Eve to the apostolic teachings of Christ and the Church, Scripture consistently affirms that it is not good for man—or woman—to be alone.

I Need a Man: To My Black Brother
By Paper Doll (with love and truth)

I need a man—
Not just any man, but my brother, my king,
A soul forged in the fire of trials,
A lion with purpose,
A priest of his home,
A warrior of the Most High.

I need a man—
Not to complete me, but to stand beside me,
To speak life into dry places,
To cover me in prayer when the night grows cold,
To hold my hand as we walk this narrow road,
Both flawed, but chosen.

I need a man—
Not to dominate, but to lead,
With love as his language and wisdom as his seed.
I need the thunder in your voice to silence fear,
The strength of your arms to draw me near.
I need your presence, your covering, your gaze,
Your commitment, not just your praise.

To my Black brother—
We need you.
Not the world’s version of you,
But the real you:
Head bowed in prayer,
Hands lifted in praise,
Feet firm in faith.

I want you—
Your mind, your spirit, your legacy.
I want your protection, your counsel,
Your vision that sees beyond the storm,
Your heart that beats in rhythm with heaven.

We were never meant to do this alone.
Even Eden knew no joy until Eve had Adam—
Flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone.
I am your rib, and you are my frame.
We are not enemies. We are flame.

I need a man—
One who will stand when others fall,
Who loves hard, forgives deep, and fears God above all.
A man who will teach sons how to be just,
And daughters how to trust.

I need a man—
To laugh with, pray with, build with, grow with,
To cry with, dream with, raise nations with.
To love me like Christ loves His bride—
Not as property, but in power.
Not as servant, but with honor.

To my Black king,
Come home.
We need you.
I need you.
And I will wait—not for perfection,
But for your return to purpose.

Genesis: God’s Blueprint for Companionship

In Genesis 2:18 (KJV), God declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” This foundational statement affirms that man was never intended to live in isolation. The woman was not an afterthought, but a divine counterpart—a reflection of man’s need for relational, emotional, and spiritual partnership. Eve was taken from Adam’s side—not his head, to rule over him, nor his feet, to be trampled—but from his rib, to walk beside him in purpose and covenant (Genesis 2:21-24).

Marriage, in its purest form, is not just a social contract but a living testament of divine love. Ephesians 5:25 (KJV) declares, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Here, Paul equates the sacrificial love of Christ with the love a man must show his wife—protective, selfless, and enduring. This relationship is not built on domination or servitude but mutual honor and spiritual reflection.

The Dangers of Radical Independence and Isolation

While independence in women has its place—particularly in resilience, wisdom, and strength—it becomes spiritually and emotionally dangerous when it fosters isolation, pride, or rebellion against God’s order. Proverbs 14:12 reminds us, “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” The idea that one does not need a man, often born out of trauma or disappointment, may seem empowering but ultimately undermines the divine need for interdependence.

In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (KJV), the Word declares: “Two are better than one… For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth.” Emotional, spiritual, and physical support is best found in companionship and community. When women believe they can “do it all,” they often face burnout, loneliness, and spiritual disconnection, especially if they are raising children or managing households without godly support.

Lesbianism: A Symptom of Rebellion and Woundedness

The rise of lesbianism in modern society is not just a cultural shift but a spiritual misalignment with God’s design for human relationships. Romans 1:26-27 (KJV) speaks directly to this: “For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature.” While society affirms same-sex unions, Scripture warns of the spiritual consequences of rejecting God’s established order.

In many cases, lesbianism arises from deep wounds—neglect, abuse, betrayal by men, or unresolved trauma. Instead of turning to God for healing, some women turn to one another in an effort to escape the hurt men have caused. Yet, counterfeit love cannot fill the void that only God’s truth can satisfy.

Black Love: A Sacred Partnership in Need of Restoration

In the Black community, centuries of slavery, systemic racism, and generational trauma have torn apart the image of strong, unified Black families. From being sold apart on plantations to the government policies of the 20th century that incentivized fatherless homes, the erosion of the Black family has been strategic. Now more than ever, Black men and women must reject the culture of division and embrace one another in truth, healing, and covenant love.

Ephesians 4:2-3 encourages believers to walk “with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Black love must not be based on transactional convenience but on godly servanthood and mutual respect.

The Working Woman vs. The Stay-at-Home Mother: Honoring Both Roles

A woman who works outside the home brings financial support, creativity, and independence to the family. Proverbs 31:16 describes the virtuous woman: “She considereth a field, and buyeth it.” However, the same passage also honors her role within the home: “She looketh well to the ways of her household” (v. 27). A stay-at-home mother nurtures, educates, and spiritually molds the next generation—a full-time calling that should not be belittled.

Both paths require balance, grace, and godly alignment, and neither is superior if done in submission to God’s will. The danger lies in comparison, pride, or the belief that motherhood or homemaking is lesser in value.

The Fall of Feminism and the Illusion of Superiority

Modern feminism, while originally rooted in the pursuit of equal rights, has gradually evolved into a movement of superiority, not equality. The second and third waves of feminism especially encouraged women to reject traditional gender roles, marriage, and male leadership, positioning men as inherently oppressive. This ideology has led to division, confusion, and a deep identity crisis in many women.

Isaiah 3:12 (KJV) warns, “As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them.” The breakdown of order, where men are devalued and women exalt themselves above them, creates societal instability. God’s order is not patriarchal oppression—it is divine harmony.

Conclusion: We Need Each Other

God never intended for men or women to be alone or independent from one another. We were created for covenant—for marriage, family, and divine partnership. Hebrews 13:4 (KJV) declares: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Marriage mirrors the heart of God, His love for His people, and the unity of the body of Christ.

It is not weakness to need a man—it is wisdom. And for men, it is not weakness to need a woman—it is God’s design. As Black men and women, the healing of our community depends on us choosing love, honor, and unity over pride, pain, and division.

References

The Holy Bible, King James Version (KJV)
Ephesians 5:25
Genesis 2:18-24
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Romans 1:26-27
Proverbs 31
Isaiah 3:12
Hebrews 13:4

Biblical Precepts, Relationships, Singleness, Widow

Dilemma: Singleness, Widowhood, and Purity.

22 Dec 2019 The Brown Girl Dilemma

Singleness, Widowhood, and Purity: A Hebraic Israelite Reflection on Divine Timing and Purpose

1. Singleness as a Sacred Gift

Singleness is not a curse—it is a consecrated gift from the Most High. It offers an undivided opportunity for devotion, clarity, and spiritual intimacy. As the Psalmist declares, “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help” (Psalm 121:1, KJV). In the stillness of singleness, the believer can focus wholeheartedly on the things of YAH without the distractions of earthly partnership.

Yahawahshi (Jesus) Himself affirmed the spiritual blessing of singleness when He said, “All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given” (Matthew 19:11, KJV). Similarly, Apostle Paul echoed this sentiment: “For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God” (1 Corinthians 7:7, KJV). This gift is not for everyone, but for those whom the Most High has graced with it, it becomes a sacred calling.

As Brother Emmanuel Sdi beautifully reflects:

“I love being single. I get to spend all my time with the Most High. No pressure, just sheer happiness.”

2. The Virtues of Singleness

Singleness offers a distinct advantage in fulfilling divine assignments. Apostle Paul articulates this in his epistle to the Corinthians, asserting that “he that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32, KJV). The absence of marital obligations allows one to be wholly available to the service and ministry of the Most High.

It is not merely about freedom from marital conflict, but about spiritual focus. The weight and responsibilities of marriage are significant, and not to be entered into lightly (Matthew 19:6). While the institution of marriage is honorable, it requires time, sacrifice, and energy that can divide a person’s focus. A single person, in contrast, may travel, serve, and worship with unburdened liberty.

Sister Lena Garth reflects this truth poignantly:

“I don’t envy those married people having to deal with each other’s problems… Doing my mission work is easier, and if I were married, it would be harder, I imagine.”

3. The Challenges of Singleness

Despite its benefits, singleness presents profound emotional and spiritual challenges. The Scripture affirms, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18, KJV). Companionship, intimacy, and support are natural and necessary human desires, and the lack thereof can lead to emotional voids, sexual temptation, and spiritual fatigue.

Paul acknowledges the battle: “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn” (1 Corinthians 7:9, KJV). Loneliness, if unchecked, may lead to destructive habits such as masturbation, pornography, and emotional despair. This requires vigilance: “Flee fornication” (1 Corinthians 6:18, KJV). Practical strategies such as accountability partners, prayer, fasting, and community engagement can fortify the soul in times of trial.

ZakaYah Banath Yasharahla shares an unfiltered, passionate testimony of the feminine struggle in modernity:

“To hell with this independent woman, I don’t need no man, do bad all by myself thing… I’m ready to be dependent on my king… I’m tired of having to defend myself from males outside my home… I want to be the feminine, soft, sweet, quiet, nurturing, skilled in home economics, family-oriented virtuous woman that Yah designed me to be.”

Her testimony underscores the deep yearning many women experience—not merely for marriage, but for alignment with their created role under divine order. It also illustrates the psychological, emotional, and spiritual cost of living outside that sacred design.

4. The Eternal View of Singleness

Not all singles will marry in this life—but no follower of YAH is alone for eternity. Earthly marriage is a temporary picture of a much greater reality: the marriage between the Messiah and His bride—the assembly of the faithful. Revelation 19:7 proclaims, “Let us be glad and rejoice… for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.” This eschatological hope gives eternal meaning to the single life.

Brother Samuel Geitz, at age 40, reflects with both longing and hope:

“I look forward to getting married, but at 40 it seems so hard to find someone in the truth. I pray that I will experience marriage before I die. Pray for me to find my Sarah.”

His statement is a blend of realism and righteous hope. The wait may be long, but the reward is worth the wait when one’s desire aligns with divine timing.

The Six Commandments for the Set-Apart Woman

Seek the Most High Above All
- The Bible is your blueprint. Meditate on His Word day and night (Joshua 1:8).
Remain Under Parental Covering (When Possible)
- In ancient Israel, daughters remained with their families until betrothal (Exodus 22:16–17). This tradition offered protection and moral guidance.
Beware of Spiritual Manipulation
- Test every spirit (1 John 4:1). Not every man who claims, “The Most High told me you’re my wife,” is sent by YAH. Pray for discernment.
Maintain Physical and Mental Health
- Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). Eat well, rest, exercise, and remain spiritually sober.
Adorn Yourself in Modesty
- Modesty is dignity (1 Timothy 2:9–10). It honors both YAH and your future husband.
Preserve Your Purity Until Marriage
- “Present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God” (Romans 12:1, KJV). Your body is not a bargaining chip—it is a sacred offering.

Final Word

Being single, widowed, or unmarried is not a mark of shame—it is a station ordained by the Most High for purpose, purification, and preparation. Whether waiting for a mate, recovering from loss, or walking a lifelong path of celibacy, know that you are not forgotten. As Isaiah 54:5 reminds us: “For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name.”

Wait with hope, walk in holiness, and serve with gladness.

References:

Holy Bible, King James Version. (1769). Thomas Nelson.
Apostle Paul. (ca. 55 AD). First Corinthians.
Isaiah. (ca. 740–681 BC). Book of Isaiah.
Revelation. (ca. 95 AD). Book of Revelation.
Harris, J. (2006). Sacred Singleness: The Set-Apart Life for Women. Multnomah.
Piper, J. (2011). This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence. Crossway.