Online dating has fundamentally changed the social landscape of romantic relationships. What once required introductions through family, friends, churches, workplaces, schools, neighborhoods, or social gatherings can now begin with a photograph, a profile, a message, or a swipe across a smartphone screen. For millions of people, these platforms have provided legitimate opportunities to find companionship, marriage, friendship, and love. Yet the convenience of digital courtship also creates a unique vulnerability: people can establish emotional intimacy with someone before they have independently verified that person’s identity, history, intentions, or character.

According to Pew Research Center, approximately three-in-ten U.S. adults reported having used a dating site or app in a 2022 nationally representative survey. Among adults who had ever used these services, 53% described their overall experiences as very or somewhat positive, while 46% described them as very or somewhat negative. The same research found that Americans were almost evenly divided about whether dating sites and apps were safe places to meet people: 48% considered them very or somewhat safe, while 49% considered them not too or not at all safe. Women were more cautious than men, with 57% of women saying these platforms were unsafe for meeting people.

The statistics become more concerning when harassment is examined. Pew found that 48% of people who had ever used a dating site or app had experienced at least one of four unwanted behaviors measured in the survey: receiving an unsolicited sexually explicit message or image, continued unwanted contact after expressing disinterest, offensive name-calling, or threats of physical harm. Among women younger than 50 who had used dating platforms, 56% had received unwanted sexually explicit material, 43% had experienced continued unwanted contact, 37% had been called an offensive name, and 11% had received threats of physical harm. Approximately two-thirds of women under 50 who had tried online dating experienced at least one of these unwanted behaviors.

The experience of Black online daters deserves particular attention. Pew reported that 47% of Black users who had used dating sites or apps had received unwanted sexually explicit messages or images, compared with 35% of White users. Pew’s findings do not establish why this difference exists, nor should the statistic be interpreted as meaning that every Black woman will encounter this experience. Nevertheless, it demonstrates that race can intersect with the broader problem of online sexual harassment and deserves serious consideration when discussing the digital experiences of Black women.

Another danger is the romance scam. Romance fraud is not simply a story about someone being financially careless; it is a form of social engineering in which deception is built around emotional attachment. The Federal Trade Commission reported that nearly 70,000 people reported romance scams in 2022, with reported losses reaching approximately $1.3 billion. The median reported loss was $4,400. The FTC also found that 40% of people who reported losing money to a romance scam said the initial contact occurred through social media, while 19% said it began on a website or app.

The problem continued beyond 2022. In 2023, the FTC received 64,003 reports classified as romance scams and reported approximately $1.14 billion in losses, with a median reported loss of $2,000. These numbers represent reported cases rather than the complete universe of romance fraud. Many victims never report what happened because of embarrassment, shame, fear of judgment, or the belief that authorities will not be able to recover their money. Consequently, official statistics should be understood as indicators of documented harm rather than a complete measurement of the problem.

Romance scammers frequently exploit the very qualities people hope will produce a successful relationship: trust, empathy, compassion, generosity, loneliness, and emotional availability. The scammer may create an elaborate identity and gradually establish emotional dependence. The supposed romantic partner may claim to be traveling, serving in the military, working overseas, dealing with an emergency, or experiencing a financial crisis. Eventually, the relationship becomes connected to a request for money. The FBI has also warned about schemes in which individuals met through dating platforms are directed toward fraudulent investment opportunities, particularly cryptocurrency-related schemes.

Financial exploitation is only one dimension of the danger. The digital relationship can also become a gateway to stalking, surveillance, harassment, coercive control, or physical violence. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines stalking as a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention or contact that causes fear or concern for safety. Modern stalking can include technology-based behaviors such as monitoring someone’s location, using technology to spy on them, repeatedly contacting them through texts or social media, and tracking their movements. Approximately one in five women and one in ten men have experienced stalking during their lifetimes.

The relationship between online dating and intimate partner violence must also be understood within the larger national context. The CDC’s most recent National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey data indicate that approximately 43.5 million U.S. women have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetimes. Approximately 22.5% of women reported lifetime physical violence by an intimate partner, while 18.2% experienced at least one form of severe physical violence. These statistics do not mean that dating-app relationships cause intimate partner violence; rather, they demonstrate the broader prevalence of violence within intimate relationships, including relationships that may begin through digital communication.

The danger becomes especially significant when an online relationship progresses rapidly from digital communication to physical isolation. A stranger on an application may eventually become a person who knows where someone lives, works, worships, shops, exercises, and spends time. Once an individual has access to this information, technology can potentially transform romantic interest into surveillance. Location sharing, social-media posts, photographs, tagged locations, and public information can reveal far more about a person’s daily routine than they may realize.

The tragic death of Ashley Wadsworth demonstrates why emotional familiarity should not automatically be equated with safety. Wadsworth was 19 and from Vernon, British Columbia. She met Jack Sepple online when they were teenagers and maintained a long-distance relationship. In November 2021, she traveled to England to be with him. In February 2022, she was found dead in the Chelmsford home she shared with Sepple. Sepple pleaded guilty to her murder and was sentenced to life imprisonment with a minimum term of 23 years and six months.

Ashley Wadsworth’s case is important because it complicates the simplistic idea that danger exists only when a woman meets a complete stranger for the first time. Ashley had known Sepple for years and had developed a relationship with him before traveling internationally. Her story illustrates a sobering reality: time and emotional attachment can create a sense of security, but neither guarantees that a person’s character will remain safe under changing circumstances. The lesson is not that women should never trust anyone; rather, trust should remain connected to observable behavior, boundaries, and the ability to leave a situation safely.

Another case is that of Katie Locke, a 23-year-old teacher in England who met Carl Langdell through the dating website Plenty of Fish. Locke arranged to meet him in December 2015 and was subsequently murdered. Langdell pleaded guilty to her murder and received a life sentence. Reports surrounding the case also described false claims he had made about himself, illustrating the potential danger of accepting an online persona without independent verification.

The case of Warriena Wright also deserves careful consideration, although its legal outcome is different. Wright, a 26-year-old New Zealand woman visiting Australia, met Gable Tostee through Tinder and went to his apartment. She subsequently fell from the balcony and died. Tostee was charged with murder and manslaughter but was acquitted by a Queensland jury in 2016. Therefore, it would be inaccurate to characterize Wright’s death as a proven Tinder murder. Her case is nevertheless relevant to discussions about dating-app safety because it illustrates the risks that can arise when an initial online connection moves rapidly into a private physical environment.

These cases should never be used to argue that dating applications themselves are responsible for violent crime. Millions of people use dating services without experiencing serious harm, and some people have genuinely met lifelong partners through them. Pew Research Center found that one-in-ten partnered U.S. adults said they met their current partner through a dating site or app, rising to one-in-five among partnered adults under 30. Online dating therefore has a legitimate and increasingly significant role in contemporary relationships. The objective should not be to eliminate technology from romantic life but to develop greater technological literacy and personal safety awareness.

For women, particularly women who have already experienced harassment or unwanted attention, safety should begin before the first physical meeting. A first date should preferably occur in a populated public location rather than a private residence. A trusted person should know the individual’s name, photograph, telephone number, profile information, destination, and expected return time. Independent transportation or a reliable method of leaving the location is important. A new romantic interest should not immediately control where the meeting occurs, how the person travels, or when the person leaves.

Verification should also become a normal component of modern courtship. Video communication can establish that a person is capable of appearing consistently as the person represented online, although it does not constitute a complete background check. Reverse-image searches, examination of inconsistencies in photographs and biographies, independent social-media accounts, and basic verification of employment or public claims can provide additional information. No single verification method is foolproof, but multiple independent indicators are stronger than trusting a profile alone.

Women should also learn to recognize coercive behavior before it becomes normalized. Excessive jealousy, demands for passwords, pressure to abandon friends, anger when boundaries are established, insistence on secrecy, attempts to control transportation, repeated unwanted contact, threats, humiliation, financial demands, or efforts to isolate a person should not be romanticized as evidence of intense love. The CDC identifies psychological aggression and coercive control as important components of intimate partner violence. A relationship does not become healthy merely because the controlling behavior is accompanied by affection, gifts, apologies, or declarations of love.

There is also a financial dimension to digital romance that should not be overlooked. The FTC reported that consumers lost more than $12.5 billion to fraud overall in 2024, while the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center recorded more than $16 billion in reported internet-crime losses across all categories. The FBI’s 2024 data specifically recorded approximately $672 million in reported losses under its Confidence Fraud/Romance category. These figures are not interchangeable and should not be added together because the agencies use different reporting systems and definitions. They nevertheless demonstrate the enormous economic scale of online deception.

The most important principle is that love should never require the abandonment of wisdom. A woman does not have to prove that she is trusting by ignoring inconsistencies. She does not have to demonstrate compassion by sending money. She does not have to demonstrate romantic interest by meeting privately before she feels comfortable. She does not have to surrender her friendships, independence, financial information, location, passwords, or boundaries to convince another person that she cares.

For Black women, this conversation belongs within a broader discussion of dignity, self-protection, relationships, and social expectations. Black women are sometimes expected to be strong enough to tolerate almost anything, independent enough not to need assistance, compassionate enough to forgive repeatedly, and resilient enough to survive circumstances that should never have been imposed upon them. Strength, however, should not be confused with enduring preventable danger. Wisdom is not fear. Boundaries are not cruelty. Verification is not distrust. Walking away is not failure.

The goal, therefore, should not be to teach women to fear love but to teach them to distinguish love from manipulation. Technology can introduce two people, but technology cannot establish character. A beautiful photograph cannot establish integrity. A romantic message cannot establish emotional maturity. A successful career cannot establish morality. Religious language cannot establish trustworthiness. Money cannot establish goodness. Chemistry cannot establish safety. Character reveals itself through consistent behavior, accountability, respect for boundaries, honesty, and the treatment of other people.

The stories of Ashley Wadsworth, Katie Locke, and Warriena Wright should therefore be remembered carefully and respectfully—not as sensational entertainment, but as reminders of the vulnerability that can exist when digital relationships become physical relationships. Their stories are different, and their legal circumstances are different. Ashley and Katie’s cases resulted in murder convictions, while the man charged in Warriena’s death was acquitted. Accuracy matters because victims deserve the truth, and public discussions about safety become less credible when facts are exaggerated.

Online dating is neither inherently evil nor inherently safe. It is a technology that amplifies human interaction, and human beings possess both loving and destructive capacities. The responsibility of a person seeking love is not to become suspicious of everyone but to remain observant, maintain boundaries, verify important information, protect financial independence, preserve connections with trusted people, and take discomfort seriously. Love may be worth pursuing, but no romantic possibility is worth surrendering one’s life, dignity, safety, or peace.

For The Brown Girl Dilemma readers, the deeper lesson is this: a woman should never have to choose between being open to love and being wise about danger. She can be hopeful and cautious. She can be romantic and discerning. She can desire marriage and still investigate inconsistencies. She can believe in love without believing every person who says, “I love you.” In an age where strangers can enter our lives through a screen within seconds, wisdom requires remembering that access is not intimacy, attention is not affection, chemistry is not character, and a profile is not a person fully known.

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References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2025). About intimate partner violence.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2025). Stalking: Intimate partner violence prevention.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2026). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2023/2024 intimate partner violence data brief.

Federal Bureau of Investigation. (2025). 2024 Internet Crime Report. Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Federal Bureau of Investigation. (2024). New verification schemes target users of online dating platforms.

Federal Trade Commission. (2023). Romance scammers’ favorite lies exposed.

Federal Trade Commission. (2024). “Love Stinks” – when a scammer is involved.

Federal Trade Commission. (2025). New FTC data show a big jump in reported losses to fraud to $12.5 billion in 2024.

Pew Research Center. (2023). From looking for love to swiping the field: Online dating in the U.S.

Pew Research Center. (2023). The experiences of U.S. online daters.