Flying monkeys are a hallmark of narcissistic abuse dynamics. The term comes from The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch sends her monkeys to do her bidding. In narcissistic relationships, flying monkeys are people — family members, friends, coworkers, or acquaintances — who are recruited, manipulated, or coerced by the narcissist to support their agenda. They often attack the victim, reinforce lies, or exert pressure to regain the narcissist’s control.

Psychologically, flying monkeys are powerful tools because they expand the narcissist’s reach. The victim faces not only the narcissist’s direct manipulation but also external forces echoing the narcissist’s narrative. This magnifies isolation, confusion, and emotional trauma. Victims may feel outnumbered, doubted, or trapped, deepening the trauma bond.

Flying monkeys are often motivated by fear, admiration, or ignorance. They may genuinely believe the narcissist’s lies, feel indebted to the narcissist, or fear retribution if they do not comply. Some may enjoy the drama and feel empowered by participating in manipulation. Regardless of intent, their actions serve the narcissist’s goal: to maintain control, discredit the victim, and enforce obedience.

Biblically, this reflects the power of false witnesses and enablers. Exodus 23:1 (KJV) warns, “Thou shalt not raise a false report: put not thine hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness.” Flying monkeys often become instruments of deception, spreading lies that harm others and distort truth.

Common examples of flying monkey behavior include:

• Contacting the victim to relay messages from the narcissist or pressure reconciliation.
• Spreading rumors, gossip, or false narratives about the victim.
• Defending the narcissist’s behavior while attacking the victim’s character.
• Acting as intermediaries to create conflict, confusion, or emotional manipulation.

Flying monkeys can be particularly dangerous in family systems. Narcissistic parents may enlist adult children, siblings, or relatives to enforce control, turning family members against each other. Similarly, in workplace settings, flying monkeys may sabotage a coworker’s reputation, align with the narcissist’s agenda, or create a hostile environment for the target.

Psychologically, their effectiveness relies on social proof. When multiple people echo the narcissist’s narrative, it reinforces the illusion that the victim is “the problem,” increasing self-doubt and isolation. Proverbs 12:22 (KJV) contrasts this by emphasizing truth: “Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.” The presence of flying monkeys spreads lies, but God sees and upholds truth.

Spiritually, victims are called to discernment and wisdom. Not everyone who attacks you is your enemy, but careful observation and testing of motives are vital. 1 John 4:1 (KJV) instructs, “Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.” Flying monkeys can serve as a spiritual test of discernment, faith, and reliance on God’s guidance.

Victims should not attempt to confront or convert flying monkeys aggressively. Often, they are acting under deception or coercion, and direct confrontation may escalate conflict or feed the narcissist’s control. Instead, prioritize your boundaries, emotional safety, and distance from their influence.

Documentation is important when dealing with flying monkeys, especially if the behavior affects legal matters, work, or family dynamics. Keep records of messages, incidents, and manipulative behavior. These serve as evidence and help you recognize patterns.

Prayer and reliance on God are essential. Psalm 91:1-2 (KJV) reminds us, “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.” Spiritual protection and peace are vital amidst the chaos created by flying monkeys.

Therapeutically, learning to emotionally detach is key. Techniques such as grey rocking, low-contact, and no-contact with both the narcissist and their enablers reduce the emotional impact. Over time, detachment weakens the influence flying monkeys have over your life.

Flying monkeys also serve as a lesson in discernment: not all who attack you are evil, and not all allies are obvious. Proverbs 27:6 (KJV) notes, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” True friends are steadfast in truth, while flying monkeys echo deceit under false loyalty.

Ultimately, flying monkeys are extensions of the narcissist’s control. Understanding their tactics, motivations, and limits allows you to respond wisely, maintain boundaries, and protect your emotional, spiritual, and relational health.

The key takeaway is that power over your peace cannot be taken without consent. Standing firm in truth, scripture, and God’s guidance neutralizes the influence of flying monkeys and fortifies you against the narcissist’s network of manipulation.

Narcissism Series: Smear Campaigns

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References

• The Holy Bible, King James Version (KJV): Exodus 23:1; Proverbs 12:22; 1 John 4:1; Psalm 91:1-2; Proverbs 27:6.
• Forward, S., & Frazier, C. (1997). Emotional Blackmail. HarperCollins.
• Herman, J. L. (2015). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence. New York: Basic Books.
• Lundy, B. (2002). Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Berkley Books.